Who sucks, but got a good seed because they sent a basket full of Cadbury Creme Eggs to the selection committee: (4) Southern Illinois. Their team's nickname is the Salukis. According to Wikipedia, a saluki is a dog based in the Middle East. In light of this information, I issue the following challenge: First, walk into Petco and ask if they have any Salukis. Leave. Come back an hour later. Walk into the same Petco and ask if they have any shit sandwiches. You should have received the same look both times. SIU gets bounced in the second round by Illinois in the first tourney game ever where neither team scores 30.
Biggest upset: (6) Duke over (2) UCLA. You thought Duke wasn't very good this year. For a while, the national media quivered at the thought of the Blue Devils missing the NCAA Tournament. You've got Virginia Commonwealth beating Duke in the first round, don't you? Well, you forgot one thing.
This man is smarter than you.
Coaching a basketball team from the beginning of the season has become too easy for Coach K. He's decided to do it all in one week. Since you saw Duke fall to NC State in the ACC Tournament, he's taught Greg Paulus how to effectively dribble a basketball. He's turned Josh McRoberts into a 20-10 machine. What about DeMarcus Nelson, Jon Scheyer and Gerald Henderson? Cold-hearted assassins. Coach K will see you in the Elite Eight.
Also, as a special courtesy to any Gonzaga supporters, the Bulldogs beat Indiana in the first round. I have no basketball-based reason to back this up, only the following statistic: Gonzaga is 7-4 when they are a double-digit seed and 5-5 when they are a single-digit seed. That is some seriously upside-down shit right there.
And your final four team is ... (1) Kansas over (6) Duke. Maybe picking a number 1 seed is the easy way out. Well, in the last two NCAA Tournaments, Kansas has exactly as many wins as its first-round opponent, Niagara: none. Their head coach, Bill Self, has as many tournament wins in the last two years as you do. And you don't have any.
But this year, Kansas sacks up and gets to Atlanta. Rock, chalk, bitches.
Tomorrow: The Final Four
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